1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,676
Piggie Takes a Bride.

2
00:00:06,677 --> 00:00:09,279
"This Porker's a Corker!"

3
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:11,241
A sequel to Piggie's Day Off?

4
00:00:11,242 --> 00:00:13,284
Hollywood, consider
my appetite whetted.

5
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,347
It's nine bucks a ticket?

6
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,518
I'm not paying that!

7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,750
Jim, you tried that
at the tollbooth.

8
00:00:20,751 --> 00:00:22,692
These people don't haggle.

9
00:00:22,693 --> 00:00:25,126
Yeah, I'm going to offer
a five, let's see who blinks.

10
00:00:28,659 --> 00:00:30,660
Hey, Kyle, how old are you?

11
00:00:30,661 --> 00:00:32,662
I'm four.

12
00:00:32,663 --> 00:00:35,535
This close! Nuts!

13
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:40,240
Kyle, what if Daddy needed
you to be three again?

14
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,673
Like, it would
save Daddy's life.

15
00:00:44,075 --> 00:00:46,246
Are you sick, Daddy?

16
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:47,647
Yes.

17
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,579
Sick of Hollywood
taking me to the cleaners!

18
00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:52,051
Okay, I'll be three.

19
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,283
That's my boy.

20
00:00:53,284 --> 00:00:54,484
Can we have candy?

21
00:00:54,485 --> 00:00:56,456
No, no. It's too
expensive here.

22
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,658
And besides, I brought a bag
of spaghetti from last night.

23
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,791
Ooh! Good thinking.
I got skirt steak.

24
00:01:01,792 --> 00:01:03,633
We'll share?
(CHUCKLES)

25
00:01:03,634 --> 00:01:08,098
Yes, can I have one adult and
two children for the Piggie movie?

26
00:01:08,099 --> 00:01:10,170
Uh, does the boy
need his own ticket?

27
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,671
How old are you?

28
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:14,073
I'm three.

29
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:17,507
Yes. And a very smart three.

30
00:01:17,508 --> 00:01:19,109
That's why you're my favorite.

31
00:01:19,110 --> 00:01:20,311
Hey!
What?

32
00:01:21,312 --> 00:01:23,553
It's just a figure of speech.

33
00:01:23,554 --> 00:01:25,586
And a reminder
to stay on your toes.

34
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,289
All right, thank you.

35
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,592
Uh, yes. Piggie.

36
00:01:32,523 --> 00:01:34,465
Senior citizen discount.

37
00:01:35,366 --> 00:01:36,626
You don't look that old.

38
00:01:36,627 --> 00:01:39,169
Ho! And who says
the young people

39
00:01:39,170 --> 00:01:41,202
don't show respect anymore?

40
00:01:41,732 --> 00:01:43,673
Hey, I remember you.

41
00:01:43,674 --> 00:01:46,477
Mm. I bet you do.

42
00:01:49,340 --> 00:01:52,843
You're the guy who tried to
smuggle in a ham in a baby carriage.

43
00:01:54,345 --> 00:01:55,746
So $9.00, then?

44
00:02:03,354 --> 00:02:04,355
JIM: Oh, baby.

45
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:12,762
(LAUGHING)

46
00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:14,365
Monkey socks, monkey socks!

47
00:02:15,166 --> 00:02:17,237
What?
Uh...

48
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:18,608
You were saying monkey socks.

49
00:02:18,609 --> 00:02:20,341
Ugh. I was asleep.

50
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,543
Jim and Andy took
the kids to a movie.

51
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,616
That was my first
nap in five years.

52
00:02:27,818 --> 00:02:29,350
I miss naps.

53
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,252
And, one assumes, monkey socks.

54
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,384
(BOTH LAUGH)

55
00:02:34,385 --> 00:02:38,188
"One assumes." I have
a dry and witty boyfriend,

56
00:02:38,189 --> 00:02:40,360
who's a doctor!

57
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:41,531
Okay, I got to go, but
I don't want to say it.

58
00:02:41,532 --> 00:02:42,792
You say it.
You say it.

59
00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:44,664
Okay, together.
One, two, three...

60
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,895
BOTH: Bye.

61
00:02:45,896 --> 00:02:47,897
Oh, bye-bye.
Call me.

62
00:02:47,898 --> 00:02:49,239
I'll call you.

63
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,701
Oh...
(BABBLING)

64
00:02:52,803 --> 00:02:54,404
So...

65
00:02:54,405 --> 00:02:56,676
(DANA SIGHS)
Things are going well.

66
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,509
Really well. I think
Ryan and I are ready

67
00:02:59,510 --> 00:03:00,810
to take it to the next level.

68
00:03:00,811 --> 00:03:03,883
(GASPS) You mean you
guys are going to...

69
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,785
Oh, please, Cheryl,
we did that on the first...

70
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:06,787
Fourth date.

71
00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:12,322
No, I mean, I want to throw a
big family dinner at my place.

72
00:03:12,323 --> 00:03:14,193
See, Ryan's always talking
about how his mom used to cook

73
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,765
big Sunday dinners
for the whole family.

74
00:03:15,766 --> 00:03:17,467
That is so sweet!

75
00:03:17,468 --> 00:03:20,770
Yeah, well, if he likes
cornball, I'll give him cornball.

76
00:03:20,771 --> 00:03:24,304
I just want him to see
my domestic side.

77
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,437
But that side doesn't exist.

78
00:03:27,838 --> 00:03:29,409
I know. That's why
you're cooking

79
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,740
and I'm taking the credit.

80
00:03:30,741 --> 00:03:32,342
Here's the menu I prepared.

81
00:03:32,343 --> 00:03:33,983
Oh. Okay.

82
00:03:33,984 --> 00:03:36,446
Noisette of lamb pernod,

83
00:03:36,447 --> 00:03:37,617
salad Nicoise,

84
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,549
potato Lyonnaise.

85
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:41,220
Well, sounds simple enough.

86
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,324
Yeah. Look, Cheryl, I know
this sounds like a lot of work,

87
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,855
but I'm totally
willing to help out.

88
00:03:45,856 --> 00:03:47,258
Oh. How?

89
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,902
Oh. I thought you were just
going to say, "No, no, I got it."

90
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:55,705
Hey!
CHERYL: Hey!

91
00:03:55,706 --> 00:03:56,866
How are you?
Did you get some rest?

92
00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:57,967
I did.

93
00:03:57,968 --> 00:03:59,509
Good, good, because Andy here

94
00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:01,871
bought three bags
of candy for the kids.

95
00:04:01,872 --> 00:04:03,473
You're going to have to make
them go in the backyard

96
00:04:03,474 --> 00:04:06,616
and dig holes or
something before bedtime.

97
00:04:06,617 --> 00:04:09,749
"We want caramel blobs,
we want caramel blobs."

98
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,652
I don't know where they
were putting them all.

99
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,332
Uncle Andy, can we
take your picture?

100
00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:24,364
Ah, sure. They
love their uncle.

101
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,366
Yeah. Don't they?

102
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,438
Come on, girls, let's
go find a camera.

103
00:04:28,439 --> 00:04:29,900
And some gummy bears.

104
00:04:31,642 --> 00:04:33,643
All right, my young man.

105
00:04:33,644 --> 00:04:36,275
Why don't you go upstairs?
It's time to take a bath.

106
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:39,449
Daddy, can I be four again?

107
00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:40,910
You sure can, young man.

108
00:04:40,911 --> 00:04:42,682
You're only three at the movies.

109
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,414
And by the way,
you did a great job.

110
00:04:44,415 --> 00:04:45,815
Santa's going to hear about it.

111
00:04:45,816 --> 00:04:47,057
Yay!

112
00:04:47,918 --> 00:04:49,419
Jim, what...
What?

113
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:51,791
You told him to lie
to get him in for free?

114
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,324
Sure, I did. And by the
way, he did a great job.

115
00:04:54,325 --> 00:04:56,767
He's a natural. He'll
make a great politician.

116
00:04:58,068 --> 00:05:02,071
Jim, you made our son
lie to save two bucks?

117
00:05:02,072 --> 00:05:04,974
Four, Cheryl. $4!
Well...

118
00:05:04,975 --> 00:05:07,938
You may recognize it as an
hour's pay if you had a job.

119
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,682
Okay. Now you got
two fights going.

120
00:05:12,683 --> 00:05:15,545
Cheryl, as Piggie
said to Mayor Chicken,

121
00:05:15,546 --> 00:05:16,987
"No ham, no fowl."

122
00:05:18,088 --> 00:05:20,620
Jim! What you
did is wrong.

123
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,321
Wrong?
Yes.

124
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,093
What kind of wrong, Cheryl?

125
00:05:24,094 --> 00:05:27,497
I submit it's acceptably wrong.

126
00:05:27,498 --> 00:05:29,559
Acceptably wrong?
Acceptably wrong.

127
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,031
No, there's no such thing.
It's either wrong or it's right.

128
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,434
Cheryl, there's a whole
scale of what's wrong.

129
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,636
No! Sure there is. At
the top of the scale,

130
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,568
there's really bad
things, like Bible bad.

131
00:05:38,569 --> 00:05:41,611
Oh...
Like cannibalism.

132
00:05:41,612 --> 00:05:44,914
Felonies. Uh, anything that would
get you strapped into old sparky.

133
00:05:44,915 --> 00:05:47,817
Oh... And then at the
bottom of the scale,

134
00:05:47,818 --> 00:05:51,521
is, you know, what you say
to women to get them in bed.

135
00:05:51,522 --> 00:05:54,054
And in the middle, there's
a whole ocean of gray.

136
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,486
Come, Cheryl.

137
00:05:56,487 --> 00:05:57,858
Sail with me.

138
00:05:58,929 --> 00:06:01,831
No, no, that is not
how I see things.

139
00:06:01,832 --> 00:06:04,594
Cheryl, you're telling me you
wouldn't roll through a stop sign

140
00:06:04,595 --> 00:06:06,866
if there was no one there?
That you've never done that?

141
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,898
No.

142
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,474
I come to a full and
complete stop. That's the law.

143
00:06:14,505 --> 00:06:16,145
Cheryl, I'm going to heaven

144
00:06:16,146 --> 00:06:18,878
just because I'm married to you.

145
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:23,082
So, you would never, then, ever pour
down old motor oil down a kitchen sink?

146
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,954
(GASPS)
Oh, my God!

147
00:06:24,955 --> 00:06:26,786
Oh, relax, Cheryl.

148
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:27,888
Not our sink.

149
00:06:28,919 --> 00:06:30,760
Jim, Jim.
What?

150
00:06:30,761 --> 00:06:33,623
Kids learn good
values by example.

151
00:06:33,624 --> 00:06:36,165
Cheryl... Your little scheme
taught him it's okay to lie.

152
00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:40,399
Or it taught them how
the real world works.

153
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,131
Oh.

154
00:06:42,132 --> 00:06:45,505
I try every day to be a good
example for our children.

155
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,706
You know, I can't do it alone.

156
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:47,937
Why not?

157
00:06:47,938 --> 00:06:50,910
You got nothing else going on.

158
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,742
Okay. So we're back
to the other fight.

159
00:06:52,743 --> 00:06:54,183
Uh-huh.

160
00:06:54,184 --> 00:06:57,186
Ah, those girls.
I know they tease me,

161
00:06:57,187 --> 00:06:59,189
but it comes from
a place of love.

162
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,552
Hey, I'm going to hit
that coffee shop

163
00:07:02,553 --> 00:07:06,025
where all the hot girls come
in and order their tea and read.

164
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:09,530
I think they're going to enjoy a
page-turner called The Andyman.

165
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,533
How do I look?

166
00:07:15,165 --> 00:07:16,166
Like a king.

167
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,016
Cheryl.

168
00:07:27,017 --> 00:07:29,048
What's happening?
What's up?

169
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,820
Okay, so far, all I've been able
to get out of Principal Farrow

170
00:07:30,821 --> 00:07:32,582
is that Gracie was caught
turning in homework

171
00:07:32,583 --> 00:07:34,824
that was clearly done
by somebody else.

172
00:07:34,825 --> 00:07:37,157
And you think I did it?

173
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,531
Of course not.
It's homework.

174
00:07:41,532 --> 00:07:43,893
I wanted you here so she
knows how serious this is.

175
00:07:43,894 --> 00:07:45,965
I need her to know
that you don't approve.

176
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,998
Oh, she knows I don't
approve of cheating. Come on!

177
00:07:48,999 --> 00:07:50,700
Really? How would
she know that?

178
00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:53,541
By watching you follow a hearse so
you won't have to stop at red lights?

179
00:07:54,244 --> 00:07:55,505
I had to pee!

180
00:07:55,506 --> 00:07:56,507
(GROANS)

181
00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:59,549
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Dad.

182
00:07:59,550 --> 00:08:00,880
Hey, girls.

183
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,712
Mr. Farrow,
why is Ruby here?

184
00:08:02,713 --> 00:08:06,215
Because we've determined Ruby
was the one who did Gracie's homework.

185
00:08:06,216 --> 00:08:07,857
You got the good one, too!

186
00:08:07,858 --> 00:08:09,488
Oh, stop it!

187
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,990
Have a seat.

188
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,023
(STAMMERING) Yeah, what's
going... Come over here, young lady.

189
00:08:14,024 --> 00:08:15,264
What's going on here?

190
00:08:15,265 --> 00:08:17,727
How do you know that
Gracie didn't do the work?

191
00:08:17,728 --> 00:08:19,929
Well, her teacher was suspicious
when Gracie's assignment

192
00:08:19,930 --> 00:08:23,032
seemed neater and more
complete than usual.

193
00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:26,036
But when we saw Gracie had
done the extra credit questions...

194
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,740
Gracie, Gracie, you got greedy.

195
00:08:30,741 --> 00:08:32,242
You flew too close to the sun!

196
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,015
I'm sorry, Mommy,

197
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:39,018
but I thought it was okay
because I was helping Gracie.

198
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,890
No, honey, it's not.

199
00:08:40,891 --> 00:08:44,694
Not even for a really good
reason. Wrong is wrong.

200
00:08:44,695 --> 00:08:45,895
Even if it's for a sister?

201
00:08:45,896 --> 00:08:48,197
Even if it's for your sister.

202
00:08:48,198 --> 00:08:50,029
But Aunt Dana's Mommy's sister,

203
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,563
and Mommy's cooking
a special dinner for her.

204
00:08:55,606 --> 00:08:57,637
Whoo! I'm tired of talking.
Who wants ice cream?

205
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:58,708
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

206
00:08:58,709 --> 00:08:59,909
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

207
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:01,170
Sit down.

208
00:09:01,171 --> 00:09:03,542
What does Aunt Dana
have to do with this?

209
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,816
Mommy's cooking dinner so Aunt
Dana can tell Ryan she cooked it.

210
00:09:06,817 --> 00:09:08,618
Because that's what sisters do.

211
00:09:08,619 --> 00:09:10,250
That's what you said, Mommy.

212
00:09:10,921 --> 00:09:12,182
Yeah, um...

213
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:17,027
Well, well, well.

214
00:09:18,989 --> 00:09:21,060
What's happening?

215
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,762
I'll let the wife
explain it to you.

216
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,935
But be easy on the girls
because they were led astray

217
00:09:25,936 --> 00:09:28,838
by someone they trusted.

218
00:09:28,839 --> 00:09:32,672
Cheryl, I have spent a lot
of time in a principal's office.

219
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,243
I've been yelled at.
I've been suspended.

220
00:09:34,244 --> 00:09:35,945
I've been humiliated.

221
00:09:35,946 --> 00:09:39,910
But I have never,
ever left a winner

222
00:09:41,211 --> 00:09:44,013
until today.

223
00:09:44,014 --> 00:09:46,686
You know what? If I could
follow a hearse on the way home,

224
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,167
this would be the best
day of my life!

225
00:09:53,864 --> 00:09:56,225
Oh, there you are. I really need to
talk to you about my gourmet meal...

226
00:09:56,226 --> 00:09:58,128
Not a good time.

227
00:10:00,030 --> 00:10:01,330
What's going on here?

228
00:10:01,331 --> 00:10:05,104
Are the conspirators
hatching a little dark plot

229
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,037
to snare a man?

230
00:10:08,178 --> 00:10:09,909
What's on the menu here?

231
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,312
Oh! Chili con your boyfriend?

232
00:10:14,044 --> 00:10:15,816
A lie-sagna?

233
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,217
Jim!
Wait a minute.

234
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,319
I drove all the way home
thinking of these.

235
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,623
Or for dessert,
New York cheese fake?

236
00:10:25,656 --> 00:10:28,097
So Cheryl is cooking dinner
for me. What's the big deal?

237
00:10:28,098 --> 00:10:29,298
Mmm.

238
00:10:29,299 --> 00:10:31,130
Tell me, my young bride.

239
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,263
Would you consider
this situation right

240
00:10:34,865 --> 00:10:37,036
or wrong?
Ow!

241
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:40,239
I think I remember somebody
telling me there are no gray areas.

242
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,842
What was her name?

243
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,414
She was a role model.

244
00:10:45,415 --> 00:10:48,177
Jim!
No, that's my name.

245
00:10:48,178 --> 00:10:51,020
Jim, get off her case.
No one's getting hurt.

246
00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:53,152
Really? No one's
getting hurt?

247
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,384
A perfectly decent, honest man

248
00:10:55,385 --> 00:10:57,426
is being tricked into
believing his girlfriend

249
00:10:57,427 --> 00:11:00,430
is a fantastic cook,
and no one is getting hurt?

250
00:11:03,093 --> 00:11:06,867
My God, I love the view up
here from Mount Highground.

251
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:10,800
Look, I promise, I'll learn
to cook eventually.

252
00:11:10,801 --> 00:11:13,673
You know, when my husband
loses his hair and lets his body go.

253
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,277
So stay out of it, Jim.

254
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,881
Oh, Dana, I don't know.
I think Jim's got a point.

255
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,783
What?
This is wrong.

256
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,055
I don't think I can do it.

257
00:11:26,056 --> 00:11:29,188
Cheryl, Cheryl, even though
I think your scheme is wrong,

258
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,890
I'm not saying not to do it.

259
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,091
What?

260
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:35,224
Come on, Cheryl, just
this once. I need this dinner.

261
00:11:35,225 --> 00:11:36,826
She's your only sister.

262
00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:40,199
Yeah. Ryan's the one.
I can feel it.

263
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,201
And he's a doctor.

264
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,174
Come on, Cheryl.

265
00:11:45,435 --> 00:11:47,376
You really think he's the one?

266
00:11:47,377 --> 00:11:49,338
Yeah.

267
00:11:49,339 --> 00:11:52,813
Well, it's not exactly right...

268
00:11:54,044 --> 00:11:56,215
But if it's that
important to you...

269
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,948
Oh! Rolling through
the stop sign!

270
00:11:58,949 --> 00:11:59,989
Oh!

271
00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:02,852
No traffic.
I'm speeding now!

272
00:12:02,853 --> 00:12:04,824
Because "exactly right"

273
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,496
is the same
as "acceptably wrong"?

274
00:12:07,497 --> 00:12:08,928
(GRUMBLES)

275
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,359
I'm sorry, I didn't hear that.

276
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,003
Were you saying, "You're
right, old wise one"?

277
00:12:13,904 --> 00:12:16,235
Yeah, that was it.

278
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,307
Okay, so you'll cook the
dinner and say that I did it?

279
00:12:18,308 --> 00:12:21,040
Yes. Oh, thank you, thank
you, thank you, thank you.

280
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,813
And dress down.
I really want to shine.

281
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,875
But not a word
about this to Ryan.

282
00:12:25,876 --> 00:12:28,147
Why would I say anything
to him? I'm a pro.

283
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:31,121
I work in lies like The Da
Vinci Code works in oils.

284
00:12:33,023 --> 00:12:34,283
Ladies,

285
00:12:34,284 --> 00:12:37,988
welcome to the great gray
ocean, where wrong floats.

286
00:12:39,890 --> 00:12:41,090
The great gray ocean?

287
00:12:41,091 --> 00:12:43,462
I thought you were
on Mount Highground.

288
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,965
I'm all over the map, baby.

289
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,167
I'm on high ground here.
I'm in the ocean.

290
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:50,269
I'm in the playground.
I'm on the island.

291
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,310
I'm on the table! I'm in
the bed! I'm on the toilet!

292
00:12:53,443 --> 00:12:54,874
Yeah, how about the living room?

293
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,276
I'm in the living room!

294
00:13:02,352 --> 00:13:05,014
Ah, Doc, here you go.
Thanks.

295
00:13:05,015 --> 00:13:06,555
So, how's work?

296
00:13:06,556 --> 00:13:09,418
I had a tough call
to make on Friday.

297
00:13:09,419 --> 00:13:12,122
One of my patients, a pregnant
woman due in eight weeks,

298
00:13:12,923 --> 00:13:14,123
incompetent cervix.

299
00:13:14,124 --> 00:13:15,324
Ooh.

300
00:13:15,325 --> 00:13:17,367
What, did she, uh,
she fire the guy?

301
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,104
Um, actually, um...

302
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,176
Oh, come on. I know
what the cervix is.

303
00:13:27,177 --> 00:13:28,437
Oh.

304
00:13:28,438 --> 00:13:30,380
It's the front door
to the baby oven.

305
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:36,085
Okay, let's make this look
good. Tie the apron on me.

306
00:13:36,086 --> 00:13:37,316
Make sure he can
still see my butt.

307
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,019
I did two hours on the
StairMaster yesterday.

308
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,021
You know, maybe we can tell
him that we cooked it together.

309
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,422
Then it's not a complete lie.

310
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,254
Cheryl, this is true love.

311
00:13:45,255 --> 00:13:47,326
The only thing that's going
to work is a complete lie.

312
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,328
(GROANS)

313
00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:51,261
Hey, sorry I'm late.

314
00:13:52,562 --> 00:13:55,534
Things got a little crazy
at my Star Wars club.

315
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,007
Somebody said Episode II
was better than Episode V,

316
00:13:58,008 --> 00:14:00,448
and before you know it, Chewbacca
threw a chair at Jango Fett.

317
00:14:06,016 --> 00:14:08,518
I'll, uh, put your toy
with your cloak.

318
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,882
Don't mock the Force.

319
00:14:13,123 --> 00:14:14,884
Hello, Kyle.

320
00:14:14,885 --> 00:14:18,387
Uncle Andy, will you do
my sticker book with me?

321
00:14:18,388 --> 00:14:20,159
Well, that depends.

322
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,390
Do you have the guilty stain

323
00:14:21,391 --> 00:14:23,263
of caramel blobs on your hands?

324
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:25,635
Get out!

325
00:14:27,597 --> 00:14:29,238
How about you two, huh?

326
00:14:29,239 --> 00:14:30,399
That was a week ago.

327
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,301
Get over it.

328
00:14:32,302 --> 00:14:36,245
Hey, why don't you
two get over this?

329
00:14:36,246 --> 00:14:37,977
(LAUGHS) Yeah.

330
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,910
Yeah, that's a bill, ladies,
from my dry cleaners.

331
00:14:40,911 --> 00:14:43,652
I will be speaking to your parents
about garnishing your allowance.

332
00:14:43,653 --> 00:14:45,314
We're getting an allowance?

333
00:14:45,315 --> 00:14:46,455
Yay!

334
00:14:46,456 --> 00:14:47,987
No, no allowances.

335
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,458
You see what you started!

336
00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:51,460
Okay, everybody,
dinner is ready.

337
00:14:51,461 --> 00:14:55,094
(EVERYONE VOICES APPROVAL)

338
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,096
Wow, look at those plates, huh?

339
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,267
I know. Doesn't it look great?

340
00:14:58,268 --> 00:15:02,031
Yeah. You know what?
Before we start to eat,

341
00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:03,203
Andy.

342
00:15:05,535 --> 00:15:08,979
You know, a special meal like
this deserves a special toast.

343
00:15:09,539 --> 00:15:11,640
To our hostess Dana,

344
00:15:11,641 --> 00:15:14,683
whose hard work
and special attention

345
00:15:14,684 --> 00:15:17,417
that she put into
this meal is almost...

346
00:15:18,989 --> 00:15:20,450
What's the word?

347
00:15:21,251 --> 00:15:22,622
Unbelievable!

348
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,495
I know I don't believe it.

349
00:15:28,999 --> 00:15:30,030
(YELPS IN PAIN)

350
00:15:32,202 --> 00:15:34,033
That gravy is scalding.

351
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,935
Oh, oh, honey,
I'm sorry. My bad.

352
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,609
Here, why don't you put some
butter on that and shut your yap?

353
00:15:41,171 --> 00:15:42,541
To Dana!

354
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,013
Thank you.

355
00:15:44,014 --> 00:15:45,044
Cheers.

356
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:48,177
You know, the
inspiration for this meal

357
00:15:48,178 --> 00:15:50,049
came when I told Dana
how my mom used to cook

358
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,221
traditional Sunday
dinners when I was a kid.

359
00:15:52,222 --> 00:15:54,583
And, uh, I really want
to thank you, honey,

360
00:15:54,584 --> 00:15:57,987
for recreating it
without my mom's

361
00:15:57,988 --> 00:16:00,260
quasi-racist
political ramblings.

362
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,994
Um, anyway, I got to tell you

363
00:16:04,995 --> 00:16:07,396
that the love and warmth here,

364
00:16:07,397 --> 00:16:09,238
I find it very moving, so...

365
00:16:09,239 --> 00:16:11,740
Easy on the wine, Doc.
You're starting to blubber.

366
00:16:11,741 --> 00:16:13,202
Honey.

367
00:16:13,203 --> 00:16:15,444
Okay, everybody sit down.
I did not slave

368
00:16:15,445 --> 00:16:17,346
in the kitchen for two
days for nothing.

369
00:16:17,347 --> 00:16:18,607
Let's eat while it's hot.

370
00:16:18,608 --> 00:16:20,309
Huh. It's hot,
all right.

371
00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:22,411
Yup, it's blistering.

372
00:16:22,412 --> 00:16:23,483
(YELPS IN PAIN)

373
00:16:25,415 --> 00:16:27,756
These potatoes
are fantastic, Dana.

374
00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:29,988
You really outdid
yourself tonight.

375
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:33,592
What exactly does one put
in Lyonnaise potatoes?

376
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,494
Andy, more gravy?

377
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,496
Withdrawn.

378
00:16:39,029 --> 00:16:41,200
Yeah, Dana, what
do you put in them?

379
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,672
Are you going to
pour gravy on him?

380
00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:44,734
Um...

381
00:16:45,735 --> 00:16:47,736
Well, uh...

382
00:16:47,737 --> 00:16:50,210
I start with
potatoes, obviously.

383
00:16:52,082 --> 00:16:55,084
And then, um...

384
00:16:55,085 --> 00:16:57,516
You know, I can really
taste the onion.

385
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,049
Cheryl, please, I'm talking.

386
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,254
Onion, front and center.

387
00:17:05,255 --> 00:17:07,126
What's that, Gracie?
Oh, you'd like to know

388
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:10,059
how your Aunt Dana made
this wonderful lamb roast?

389
00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:11,360
You know what? So do I.

390
00:17:11,361 --> 00:17:14,134
What is that unique
spice? Ow! Ow!

391
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,368
Are you okay, Jim?
Oh, oh, he's fine.

392
00:17:19,369 --> 00:17:23,172
He does that when he likes
something. It's like a James Brown, ow!

393
00:17:23,173 --> 00:17:25,374
Yeah, like, ow!
Roast lamb!

394
00:17:25,375 --> 00:17:26,775
Ow! It's good!

395
00:17:26,776 --> 00:17:29,418
Ow! Ow!

396
00:17:29,419 --> 00:17:31,380
I got to tell you, I mean,
everything is really, really yummy.

397
00:17:31,381 --> 00:17:33,322
I mean, this whole meal
is just terrific. Don't...

398
00:17:33,323 --> 00:17:35,784
I mean, it's just really... You
know, and being here tonight

399
00:17:35,785 --> 00:17:38,056
and all this, it's just...

400
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,689
It's really just part of a picture that
I've had in my mind for some time.

401
00:17:40,690 --> 00:17:43,762
And I mean... Yeah, you
know, I've seen you, Dana,

402
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,265
as this beautiful,
vibrant, exciting woman,

403
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,066
and now to see you here,

404
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,839
you know, with your family, surrounded
by the people that love you so much.

405
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,702
It's just...

406
00:17:53,703 --> 00:17:57,506
(EXHALES) You know, I know
this is fast, and I may sound crazy,

407
00:17:57,507 --> 00:17:59,108
but I...

408
00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:02,311
Dana, I would just
love to see you

409
00:18:02,312 --> 00:18:04,614
as my wife and the
mother of my children.

410
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,865
Dana, will you marry me?

411
00:18:21,631 --> 00:18:22,732
I didn't cook it!

412
00:18:25,475 --> 00:18:26,775
What?

413
00:18:26,776 --> 00:18:28,637
You did. You did. You slaved
in the kitchen for two days,

414
00:18:28,638 --> 00:18:30,639
and it's paying off, damn it!

415
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,612
No, just forget it, Cheryl.

416
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,315
I can't cook!
Cheryl did all of this.

417
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:39,448
I'm just a beautiful,
vibrant fraud.

418
00:18:39,449 --> 00:18:41,490
That is not true.
Dana can cook.

419
00:18:41,491 --> 00:18:42,751
Cheryl can't cook.

420
00:18:42,752 --> 00:18:45,123
Her meat loaf
tastes like sawdust.

421
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:49,328
Sawdust? I wish. At
least sawdust is tasteless.

422
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:50,659
I don't like her spaghetti.

423
00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:51,900
I don't like her pudding.

424
00:18:51,901 --> 00:18:53,632
That's because she
buys the cheap stuff.

425
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,334
Who skimps on pudding?

426
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,605
What?

427
00:18:56,606 --> 00:18:59,168
Oh, look, Ryan,

428
00:18:59,169 --> 00:19:01,310
I'm sorry for lying to you.
It's not their fault.

429
00:19:01,311 --> 00:19:03,442
They're just trying
to protect me.

430
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,844
Of course they are. You
have an amazing family.

431
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,616
They love you so much.

432
00:19:07,617 --> 00:19:09,678
And I do, too.

433
00:19:09,679 --> 00:19:11,920
Are you sure?
Absolutely.

434
00:19:11,921 --> 00:19:13,782
I mean, the fact that you
could manipulate your sister

435
00:19:13,783 --> 00:19:16,225
into going to all
this trouble for me?

436
00:19:16,226 --> 00:19:17,487
That's incredible.

437
00:19:19,629 --> 00:19:22,331
I got to say, I've always
felt that a well-crafted lie

438
00:19:22,332 --> 00:19:24,694
shows just as much effort as
actually doing something nice.

439
00:19:27,297 --> 00:19:29,539
Hear, hear!
You're all right, Doc!

440
00:19:32,842 --> 00:19:36,945
But Ryan, I don't want our
marriage to be based on lies.

441
00:19:36,946 --> 00:19:39,409
Eleven years and
still going strong.

442
00:19:41,411 --> 00:19:42,481
Fourteen.

443
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,182
Really?
Yeah.

444
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,284
Wow!

445
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:46,456
I know.

446
00:19:47,557 --> 00:19:49,688
You're not mad at me
for tricking you?

447
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,491
I mean, you don't
think it was wrong?

448
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:56,195
No. I mean, something this
right could never be wrong.

449
00:19:56,966 --> 00:19:58,727
Dana,

450
00:19:58,728 --> 00:20:00,500
just tell me you'll marry me.

451
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,472
I will!

452
00:20:03,473 --> 00:20:05,604
(EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

453
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,736
We got to call mom!
We got to call mom!

454
00:20:07,737 --> 00:20:08,978
Call mom!

455
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,080
I wasn't actually even done
yet, but we're going to call Mom.

456
00:20:14,784 --> 00:20:16,545
Wow!
Whoa.

457
00:20:16,546 --> 00:20:19,318
Man, that was quick.

458
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:24,222
Daddy, how come when we lied about
doing Gracie's homework we got in trouble,

459
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,326
but when Aunt Dana lied,
she got engaged?

460
00:20:27,857 --> 00:20:29,959
Well, you know, honey, uh...

461
00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:34,403
Life doesn't make
sense sometimes.

462
00:20:34,404 --> 00:20:36,605
Want a little piece of pie?

463
00:20:36,606 --> 00:20:38,006
But we're not done with dinner.

464
00:20:38,007 --> 00:20:39,409
Exactly.

465
00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:42,741
That doesn't make sense.

466
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,474
That's the lesson.

467
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,677
Hey, now everybody's married.

468
00:20:48,678 --> 00:20:50,280
Oh, except you.

469
00:20:52,622 --> 00:20:53,752
I was married.

470
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,254
Till she left you.

471
00:20:56,626 --> 00:20:58,027
I've moved on.

472
00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,989
Have you?

473
00:21:05,795 --> 00:21:07,896
Oh, God, I'm all alone!

474
00:21:07,897 --> 00:21:10,038
Ah, Andy!

475
00:21:10,039 --> 00:21:12,641
Now all of Mom's "Why aren't you
married?" focus is going to be on me!

476
00:21:12,642 --> 00:21:14,903
Come on, relax, Andy.

477
00:21:14,904 --> 00:21:16,475
Look, Dana's getting married.

478
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,476
Your mom's not going to
even be thinking about you.

479
00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:21,650
You think?
I know.

480
00:21:21,651 --> 00:21:23,853
Andy, Mom wants to talk to you.

481
00:21:24,914 --> 00:21:26,386
Oh, my God.